Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A Chubby Little Cross

My counsel now is to pour on the love. 2 Corinthians 2:8/ MSG I did it again LORD. I hate it when I lose it! Father, why? Why do I yell at Greg and the kids? I am so tired LORD. I feel like I can’t keep up with the house, their needs, and as for me well, somehow I feel as if I have lost myself trying be wife, mommy and perfect housewife. LORD, help! I feel so numb. Where is the love that I am supposed to have when you have a husband, two kids, a mini van and the dream home? Show me love LORD! Show me I know how to love as I should! I opened my eyes to see Greg kneeling beside the bed while Mikayla and Grant stared at me wide eyed with their round little cheeks smattered with tears. “Honey, are you okay?” “NO! YES! I dunno know! I am tired that’s all.” Mikayla clambers up on the bed and lies beside me with her face lying on my chest. Grant trying to follow his big sister’s climb tries unceremoniously to follow in her footsteps, but his eighteen month old chubby legs cannot make it. Daddy gingerly pushes his bottom from behind so Grant can climb upon mountain bedrest with us. “I think Mommy needs a tickle fest!” Daddy says. Mikayla jumps up instantly with a delight shining from her eyes and begins to spider crawl her fingers across my tummy. Greg pins my arms down and with gusto, the two of them tackle me as if I am a treasure that must be unlocked with tickles. Grant watches as he giggles with delight at my squeals, as I squirm all over the bed. My laughter bubbles over and out and I begin to shout, “No, stop! I can’t take it anymore! Stop!” Greg and Mikayla laugh at my predicament and press harder in tickling me. So I shout louder. Suddenly Grant jumps on top of me and lays his little chubby body across mine. He covers as much of my legs with his as he can. He stretches out his arms across mine and his torso covers me. He cries out, “DON’T HURT MY MOMMY!” My nose begins to burn as tears well up in my eyes. What a sweet cherub I have in him! The mother’s heart in me begins to break. Love is sacrifice. Grantie willingly laid his life across mine to sacrifice himself to protect me. His body formed a cross as he covered me. Now my tears roll down my cheeks as I remember my prayer, “LORD, show me love!” GOD reminded through my little guy of the cross and the sacrificial love of Jesus for me. Cleaning house and meeting my family’s needs almost instantly became my delight. Love, laughter and one little guy reminded me true love is not about my emotions but in the giving of self. Father, forgive me for grumbling and complaining. I return to You and to my family. You, Father are my first love and I love them, too! Thank You for reminding me that love never fails and it is not about me receiving but about me giving. Help me to give sacrificial love without complaint to pour on the love. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN! Published in Cup of Comfort For Mothers, February's Intro Devotional.pg. 36-37. 2007

Monday, January 16, 2012

Saggy Pants Epidemic

Leading scientists have just revealed that the power of gravity is increasing. They have concluded that this is the cause of the recent outbreak of the saggy pants epidemic. Every day, thousands of people who suffer from saggy pants walk around with their pants around their ankles. If you have been diagnosed with saggy pants, it is possible that you may also suffer from what scientists are now calling “swagger.” Swagger causes people with saggy pants to walk or behave in a very confident and typically arrogant manner. Citizens are frantic, trying to keep their pants around their waists—but not to fret!—recent studies have shown that there is, in fact, an antidote. One way to keep this epidemic from spreading further is an ancient concept invented by the Sumerians in the year 400 B.C. This rare antidote is known as B.E.L.T. (band ensuring the levitation of trousers). The number of belts in the United States is dwindling, so if you think you might have saggy pants, be sure to wear boxer shorts displaying Hello Kitty, Iron Man, or perhaps Winnie the Pooh underneath your possibly saggy pants to avoid public humiliation. There is an alternate cure for saggy pants, but scientists have not yet concluded if this is a safe way to rid citizens of the disease. Skinny jeans, sometimes referred to as denim skin, have been known to limit the movement of legs and occasionally cause paralysis. Side effects may include love handles and the occasional tingling of the limbs. It has become socially acceptable for women to wear skinny jeans, but men have been advised to avoid the adornment of skinny jeans at all costs. Wearing skinny jeans as a male may cause you to be mistaken as one of the three Jonas Brothers which may result in your being mobbed by large numbers of screaming thirteen year old girls. If you or a loved one suffers from saggy pants or swagger, talk to your doctor before switching to skinny jeans, as the sudden increase in tightness could be hazardous to your health. Go to www.pantsabovetheinfluence.com to see where you can find a band ensuring the levitation of trousers manufacturer near you or to see if you qualify for our three week risk-free trial. 3 month saggy-sober blogger NoLongerTrippin195 posted this testimonial on our website on December 19, 2011. “Just a few months ago I was in a terrible place, my life was moving so quickly in the wrong direction. I knew I had saggy pants but I didn’t want to admit it. I was afraid of being judged. My illness got in the way of my education and my family. I got kicked out of medical school because of my swagger and soon after my dad kicked me out of the house. I was walking the streets with my pants around my knees wondering how I got here. I was repulsive. People couldn’t look at me without shaking their heads. That’s when I saw him. There was a man on the street handing out pamphlets for this thing called Pants Above the Influence. I took one and started asking him questions. Right then and there the man took off his belt and gave it to me. I put it on as quickly as possible and from that moment on I was a new man. Now I’m back in school studying the dangers of saggy pants and swagger. One day I hope to inspire youth all over the world to wear their pants in the right place. Thank you for your service. Pants Above the Influence has made the world a better place.” Written by Mikayla Rye for Mrs. Smagacz' English 10, Period 5, 17 January 2012. A Satire. Saggy Pants Epidemic